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04:35am. Beep beep beep.

For a person who distinctly loathes waiting I still somehow always end up sitting here or there, keeping my eye on the clock pointers and impatiently fiddling the pages of my calendar.

Crossing out the dates and numbers seems to make these 16 hours of consciousness a bit easier to bear. You know that feeling? All you care to do is sleep, sleep, sleep just to wake up at some point to realize how much less there is time to be spent awake?

The cold September breeze of Helsinki makes one's eyes wet at 05:30am. The luggage is heavy and the silence almost palpable.

How many times have I stood on a platform, bus stop, check-in queue to see someone leave? Tightening up the black scarf of a mental widow I give a kiss-goodbye over and over again and glue my gaze into someone's back as it slowly glides further.

I turn my back and a new page from my calendar.

06:00am. Attention dear passengers. The Allegro express to St. Petersburg leaves from track 8.

...vaan viimeistä iltaa.
tai häviä
mutta rakasta."

- Tommy Tabermann
I finally finished my website, yay! No more coding or graphic things. Now i'm going to sleep and tomorrow starts THE cooking.

----->>>> <<<<------ GO THERE

And EVERYONE has to go to the guestbook and write something even if the whole webpage is in FINNISH. : DDD… here, i made it easy for you. Now just use the epic google translator and everything will be fine anytime soon.

  • Watching: My lover
5 hours of horrible pain but it was totally worth it.…

It's a crappy pic taken with my crappy camera phone using my bathroom mirror and the whole thing is in moisturizing lotion but ANYWAY i love this little creature.
  • Watching: My lover

As a scientific research, I will now list every word I know for different types of snow in Finnish.


BONUS: Loskapaskavittusaatana

I officially hate every single one of these.


Today - I just happened to notice - seems to be a particularly special day, in many ways. Since today, precisely on the 3rd day of February on this delightfully breezy Wednesday, I, your faitful author and the person in charge of our innocent complicity, have time.

Not like I'm trying to say I haven't had time before: 'cause time is something i've always had - in one way or another. After the infamous and troublesome coincidendes I've gone through while trying to live this insignificant tiny life of mine I've somehow ended up waiting. Waiting for the bus to get to school, waiting for my lessons to start (you know, i really used to be in my school 40 minutes before the lessons actually started, thanks to our public transport - or the lack of it), waiting for my friends, my boyfriends, bills and letters, applications and deadlines, waiting for something, anything to happen. Sometimes it did. Sometimes it didn't. And while waiting, I've always had time. During my waiting at the bus stop or on the school bench on the corridor I used to read books.

I've read many, many books in my life.

You probably know what kind of time I'm talking about. The kind of time that always makes you think forward: "When I get home I'll..." or "When my friend gets here we're gonna..." No matter how long you wait or how much time you have, the time never seems to be present. Somewhere deep inside your subconsciousness you always are aware of that something that lies ahead or has to be done afterwards. Waiting.

But today, on the 3rd of February I woke up at 6:30. I woke up in Viikki - one of the many suburbs in our capital Helsinki - and realised I have time. I won't be waiting today. My daily school is over and all that's ahead are the final exams. I realised I'm on very wicked holidays.

I was heading back home downtown and decided to do it by tram number 8. Well yes, I stood there and noticed the schoolkids behind me. It seems that every school keep their exam weeks on this week so these schoolkids, a boy aged about 14 and a girl with same age, were questioning each other about geography. They had this conversation:
Boy: *with the book* "Name the areas of Asia."
Girl: "Umm... North Asia, South Asia and... Middle Asia?"
Boy: "Did you also mention Southeast Asia?"
The girl has no time to answer when this old man next to them enters the conversation.
Man: "Excuse me, may I ask... Do you kids like geography?"
Boy: "Not at all!"
Girl: "No! It's stupid..."
Man: "How come?"
Boy: "We have to know all about lemmings and trees..."
Man: *laughs* "Lemmings? Oh dear..."

I no longer hear the discussion. My ears and eyes are shut and the people around me no longer exist. 'Cause after all these 13 years of daily school life I finally reach the point where I don't need to know everything about lemmings or return essays. I stand there on a tram number 8, heading back home and enjoy the fact that when I get there, I will crawl back under the pillows and blankets with a chocolate bar and loll there till noon, listening to The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy audiobook. That's the way I study for my English Final Exam and I, finally in the year I turn 19, have time.
Life really is beautiful.


  • Listening to: KAHINA
  • Reading: My thoughts!
A moment from someone's life. That someone is located in the capital of one current country somewhere in northern Europe.

That current moment is now, 21th of September in the year 2009, and the local time is 17:34. Somewhere else they could say it's 5:34pm. For this person it's 17:34.

At the moment i hear "whooomm". That's what my computer says. It lies on my lap - i actually don't know why 'cause i thought i was supposed to write my essay. But here it is. It looks harmless. I stare at the screen.

I hear the traffic outside. Trams say "wheeee" as they slide past my very own living room's window. Hey yea, i live on the second floor. I could jump out of that and didn't die.

My essay is supposed to be about optimism. I'm optimistic. I saw my best friend's new apartment today and i liked it. It's not very far away from here. I liked that too.

I called my boyfriend. No coffee today. He saw my text message two hours too late. I said it's ok. He's in a theatre. I told him to have fun. He said bye.I wanted to tell him i loved him but i didn't say it. I don't like to say it too much. And neither does he.

We're gonna take up tango lessons. I laughed at that at first. But after a while it sounded kinda fun.

Maybe i'll see him tomorrow? That's what i thought as i turned off my phone. My dancing lesson starts at 17. Somewhere else it'd be 5pm. Maybe before that? Maybe after that?

I don't know really. My bonsai needs water. My essay needs attention. I need attention.

It's 17:52 o'clock at the moment. This current person had seemingly entertaining 15 minutes. Now this person is going to write that essay. Or something like that.
  • Listening to: &quot;whooomm&quot; and &quot;wheeee&quot;
  • Reading: &quot;Teen listaa p&auml;iv&auml;n ohjemasta&quot;
Life is funny.

Ummm yea, after all this time i find myself in a middle of a drama show i didn't want to participate. I'm good at drama!
God how much i love these misunderstandings i'll never get to explain. lol :)))))

My summer holiday ends in 3 weeks and all i've done is work, work, work and booking my life to full so i won't have time alone. It's not good for my health really. This is the 5th time i'm at 'home' this summer and umm. At least this reminds me why i never want to get back here again.

Do i actually have something clever to say? No. Did i draw something? Yes.

That god damn thing really ruined my life once and this is what they made me do.

Hey guess what, i'm gonna be a chef!
Itken verta. : D
  • Listening to: Wroooommmm.
And ate himself with a mustard.

Ummmm. Im busy. And happy. Extremely happy.

I think i drew something one day but i never remember to scan them.

Blah. At least it's summer soon.
  • Listening to: Voices
"But what are we going to tell people when they ask how did we meet?"
"That we're nerds?"

Thank you DeviantART, you ruined my life and made me the happiest girl ever.

Well yea, i just had the best 3 weeks of my life with my special person.
I'm sorry i haven't done much for a while, so many things rushing around and all in a sudden i notice i have no time to draw. Blah. But i've been working on some pics now (mostly during my art classes at school but oh well...) and i really try to find some time to finish them!

  • Listening to: A vacuum cleaner says WOOOOOO
Today's my birthday! Yay for 17 years!

Now let's sing together: Happy birthdaayy too meee and so on.

Hey i've got inspired, finally. I have couple of sketches and other weird stuff in progress. Umm let's see what i can do for them. 4 weeks left of my holiday. Nooo.

I was in London last week. Woah, what a city. It was an exprerience to stray on the underground during rush hour though. Haha.

Like i said, 4 weeks left. Eep. 1 week i'll be at work but the rest are probably dedicated to myself (and those friends who have enough courage to spend some time with me).

What to do? Suggestions, anyone? I don't wanna get bored once again and spend my last free weeks staring at my beautiful ceiling.
  • Listening to: Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm
So it's finally here. You don't know how tired i am right now. I feel strange.

Lots of things have happened and i don't know what to say. But i've drawn some sketches, so i think there's gonna be submissions in a week.

Greetings to all. Yay.
Right now I'm so bored that I feel like I'm dying or something. I haven't done anything on this entire day (anything else than eating) and ugh.

It's funny, 'cause I still feel I've been busy (again.) It's 4 weeks left and then it's SUMMER HOLIDAY. Yay for all.

School works are taking most of my time. I hope nobody minds if there's not gonna be submissions for next weeks. (I really can't say how long does it take from me to eliminate all my unfinished works at school...) Butanyway, let's party!<3 Summer is coming!

Meh goes to partyyhh --->
  • Listening to: Deine Lakaien - Where you are
  • Reading: Thoughts!
So it's Swedish test tomorrow - I should be reading right now, then it's 3 more left and then it's done. I've done 3 tests and I'm so god-damn-tired already. :'D

I'm sure there's something that's hapening. Oh yeah, I'll travel to London with my dad on 25th of April! Yayy. And to Paris in summer. I've never been to London, in Paris I was two summers ago.

I've seen those little baby-leaves here already. My half-sister told her mom had seen a flower couple of weeks ago. Looks like the spring is coming. And it's like 8pm now and there's still bright outside.<3 Can't wait any longer!

I've drawn something. Mostly just sketches - I've had this huge sketch inspiration since I found my sketchbook again. But I'm sure that since the exam week is over I'll have time to do these usual things again.

Det är ju häftigt, tycker jag! And it starts again, I'm gonna go back to the shadows to read Swedish. Puss och kram, kära lilla!<3
  • Listening to: Svenska. \,,/
  • Reading: Svenska. o__O
  • Watching: Svenska!
  • Playing: Svenska?
  • Eating: ... Svenska? o__o
  • Drinking: Svenskaahh~
I finally got 1000 pageviews! Thank you all! :D

Now it's Easter holiday and I got nothing to do. Next week the exams are here, and I got German, maths, English, Swedish, philosophy, art-history and geography exams. Like I'd have some energy to read for those. And I should also do a comic about some philosophical question I've been thinking about, so I'll have another essay removed from the exam. Well, I haven't thought anything philosophical and there's only one week left.

Does anybody have some ideas? ;__; I really need help with this. My head is completely empty.

I've been eating chocolate like mad past two days. My so-called family (mom, step-father and half-sister) are on their way to a Finnish skiing centre and they'll stay there for four days, and they bought me something to eat. (something = more than I can eat)

I'M BORED. o____o

"Kun minä maalaan, siitä tulee menestys!"
- Jasmin 2,3v. oppii siskoltaan huonoja tapoja. XD)
  • Listening to: SNORING
  • Reading: Stephen King-TDT 2: The drawing of the three
  • Watching: The screen
  • Eating: chocolate&lt;3

I'm waking up from my hibernation! To be honest, I have no idea what's been happening past couple of weeks. Looks like I really have hibernated. o_O

But oh well, I haven't drawn anything. Couple of sketches and stuff at school, but that's all. Though I have so much ideas and things spinning in my head that I think there's going to be a huge inspiration-thingie soon.

Everything's ok right now. 11 weeks left and then it's summer holiday.<3 I got lots and lots of works to do. All the school things, finishing sketches, happenings with friends and boyfriend (woo, we didn't broke up!) and yeaahhh. Right now I'm doing a written assay about pop-art and especially I'm analyzing Andy Warhol's work 'Skull.' This third course of my compulsory art is not difficult, but it's not very interesting to do semiotic (is it a word? XD I was too lazy to check it out from a dictionary...) paradigms about pink skulls. I try to keep my mind on the thought that there's only two courses left, and then it's all elective art courses from our choice of 60 courses. Party!

Tomorrow I'm gonna go to the movies with my friends. There's 9 of us and we're going to see this Sweeney Todd at 7 pm. Or I would say, we TRY to go, 'cause here in Finland it's forbidden if you're under 18 years old. And well, only one of us is 18, so there's a possibility that end situation goes like this: he's gonna sit alone there 8 empty places around him and the rest of us are watching something that's 'suitable for us 16 and 17 years olds.' We'll see. :D (and yeah, if the guards suspect you're under 18, they'll want to see your identity card.)

So. I promise I'll try to do something (else than that skull-thing) at weekend! : > I sense the force!
  • Listening to: My Chemical Romance - Drowning lessons
  • Reading: Maths homework
Things have happened. I don't know what to say.

I'm still kinda sad.

And tired.


Don't know.

I hope this gets better.
So I was in Germany and had a really good time there. I guess I just needed some changing views and unknown people who don't speak Finnish. That was the main point in the whole thing: no Finnish. It was like a music to my ears when everybody talked just German, and surprisingly most of the people didn't even understand English, so I was _HAPPY_. (At the Stuttgart Airport, when we were queuing for the check-in, I nearly asked some old Finnish couple to be quiet just because they spoke Finnish. -___o I know, I'm impolite and aggressive, but I was just so fed up with the whole country called Finland and it's oh-so-beautiful winter without snow. Luckily I didn't do that, just thought about it.) Oh yes, my nerves really started to crash before the weekend holiday. I guess I'm okay now.

The best part was the fact that for the first time in years I felt kinda useful. You see, I was travelling with my dad and step-mum, and neither of them speak German.<3 So, this meant lot of translating and communicating in German for me. Can't say I'm malicious, but usually nobody cares if I'm the one in the group who talks the languages, 'cause I'm this young and invisible.

At the end it was nice to notice that my six years with German language and hard studying haven't been wasted time. My German teacher hates me and thinks I'm sitting on her courses just because I don't have any other courses to choose. Her socks would probably burn or something if she knew that studying languages is exactly what I want to do. How sad. And sad is the fact that my English teacher doesn't like me either. Luckily Swedish teacher has that amount of understanding that he has noticed I just don't ike to be "active" in the lessons. AND if we talk about languages a little bit more, my French teacher doesn't have to worry about me anymore, 'cause I'm not studying on her courses this year. Maybe next year or something if I have time.

I hope my inspiration to draw is coming back soon. I guess I losted it a while ago and haven't seen it since then. If you see it somewhere, please return it, it's still needed out here.

Last couple of weeks I haven't had the same feeling when I draw than before. I don't think it's a lack of interest or anything, somehow it just feels useless.

Sorry about this journal entry you all, but I feel sad and it's late and stuff.

  • Listening to: Sounds in my head~
  • Watching: the screen over there