04:35am. Beep beep beep.

For a person who distinctly loathes waiting I still somehow always end up sitting here or there, keeping my eye on the clock pointers and impatiently fiddling the pages of my calendar.

Crossing out the dates and numbers seems to make these 16 hours of consciousness a bit easier to bear. You know that feeling? All you care to do is sleep, sleep, sleep just to wake up at some point to realize how much less there is time to be spent awake?

The cold September breeze of Helsinki makes one's eyes wet at 05:30am. The luggage is heavy and the silence almost palpable.

How many times have I stood on a platform, bus stop, check-in queue to see someone leave? Tightening up the black scarf of a mental widow I give a kiss-goodbye over and over again and glue my gaze into someone's back as it slowly glides further.

I turn my back and a new page from my calendar.

06:00am. Attention dear passengers. The Allegro express to St. Petersburg leaves from track 8.

...vaan viimeistä iltaa.